These past few months have been really hectic and painful. My trip to Peru last summer was eye opening. I became aware of social, drug and self esteem problems in my life. Since the beginning of my junior year of high school I have regularly visited a counselor to help with social anxiety and drug abuse. I learned to cope and fight stuff like that and life got better.
Until a few months ago.
I have was diagnosed (or been told I have) with ADD and exogenous depression. The depression isn't life threatening, but I definitely notice a feeling of hopelessness for my generation as well as my strong opinion that human greed and materialistic attitude will lead to our demise. Anyways, doctors threw me a few pills for the ADD. Depression and Anxiety spiked. Tried to shoot myself. Chickened out. Then life went on.
Now what does this have to do with you?
Things then begin to pop into my life. Details.
I noticed something particularly interesting recently. Something thats always been there but never been really obvious.
The back of my computer. Three stickers to be exact. Check it out [link]
They have been there for a little over a year. I have recently discovered their meaning.
Each one represents a group or identity that I have been part of during my 18 years of existence.
SAGA - The ski culture that pushed my physical and mental limits. Awakened my desire to compete and push myself.
VANS - The experiment/drug culture that taught me to value thinking more and speaking less. Taught me to perceive and analyze the world around me as well as myself.
RD - Well its this fandom, this home that I have grown so accustomed to this past year. The faceless names that I have grown to love and cherish and rely upon for inspiration and support. The non-judgmental attitude and blatant rejection of social norms allowed me to experiment with the introverted side of me that I ignored for so long.
Thank you. I don't think I can spray enough ponies or write enough "thanks for the favs" to truly show you guys that. This community truly is special to me.
But now I think its time to find myself another sticker. Im ready to learn and experience something new. I went with the art of spray painting ponies as long as I could, but I regret to admit. Im burned out. This isn't as exhilarating and challenging as it used to be. Painting ponies on walls is going to do it either. Who knows what Im going towards next? Its just part of life. Its the circle of life. When something ends, something else begins.
Account will be inactive and then deleted in the near future.